Saturday, September 29, 2012

Blessing #1,237,984 and counting...

Last Sunday I was talking to a friend at church and I was telling her how everything has been going SO well. For the past few weeks I have been off bed rest and I have been feeling great! I told her though that things almost seemed like they were going TOO well in my life and I knew something was going to happen in the near future. I sincerely feel like every time I get in my comfort zone and everything seems to be going right - something happens, so I learn to humble myself again. WELL - I was right. 

On Tuesday morning I started experiencing a lot of pressure on my lower abdomen. It bothered me, but it wasn't hurting that bad, so I ignored it. The pressure did not go away all day and continued on Wednesday. I asked my sister if she experienced pressure when she was pregnant and she said she had. I asked a few co-workers if they had experienced pressure when they were pregnant and all said they had. So I continued to ignore the pain as I figured it was "normal." On Thursday morning the pressure was not gone and I noticed it was even hurting a little bit now. I had a very strong feeling something may not be right. Before I went to work, I prayed to Heavenly Father. I let him know that I was okay if something was going on that wasn't right (again!), but I did not want to go to the doctor and look dumb for calling about something that was not that serious. I prayed and asked IF I was supposed to call the doctor that day, please have something happen so I know it is the right thing to do. Not more than an hour later, I was walking to my 9am meeting at work, when I experienced the worst pain in my lower abdomen area. The pressure was intense and I could barely even walk. I knew at that moment, it was an answer to my prayer. THIS is what I prayed for. I needed to follow the spirit and call the doctor. I had looked up the symptoms on Google and the majority of the people on the websites I had browsed said that the pressure was probably just the baby's head pressing on my pelvic bone and not to worry, my sister and co-workers had experienced the pain so I thought I shouldn't worry - BUT I knew at that moment I needed to call the doctor. 

I called the doctor and they had me come in. They also advised me not to ever look up things like this on Google, which I am completely guilty of on almost a daily basis. My doctor unfortunately was at a conference, so I was seen by another doctor. The ultrasound tech came in and took her less than 10 seconds to tell me what she was looking at. In a kind, yet concerned voice, she said "It is a very good thing you listened to your body today and came in. Your cervix is almost completely open. It is only closed by 1.2 centimeters." I took a VERY deep breath and was tough. I was so proud of myself I wasn't crying at this point. She went and got the doctor as I sat in the cold doctor's office, looking at the ultrasound in front of me. I was all by myself and tears slowly filled my eyes. I wasn't crying because of what she had said, I was crying because I knew that Heavenly Father was watching over me and led me to the doctor that day. 

The doctor came in and was very sincere. I will never forget what he said! He looked me in the eye and said, "It is a MIRACLE you are here today. I am so proud of you for coming in and listening to your body. Had you not come in, you would probably have had a baby this weekend." I completely lost it. Everything leading up to this point in my pregnancy has been a miracle and that day was a miracle in itself. He explained that we would have to perform an emergency surgery the following day, by stitching my cervix completely closed so I would not continue on with pre-term labor. This is called an incompetent cervix. The doctor left the room to call my doctor who was at a conference and I called Tyson immediately. Tyson could barely understand what I was saying through my emotions. The doctor came back into the room no more than 5 minutes later and explained that my doctor, Dr. Bohman, did not want to wait over night. It was too risky and we needed to perform the surgery immediately. He also said that Dr. Bohman wanted to do the surgery himself and would leave his conference for me. I love my doctor. I REALLY do. 
It was a little crazy after that. NO hospitals had room for me that night. I felt like I was Mary and Joseph when all of the inns would not let them in because "they had no room." The nurse called several hospitals and I heard her tell each of them... "You dont understand! If you don't fit her in, she is going to have a baby tonight!" I appreciated their support and willingness to fight for me that day. They finally found a room at St. Rose San Martin Hospital. That is the hospital I plan to deliver at anyways, so it worked out just fine. I was admitted into the hospital at 5pm and surgery was at 7:15pm. 

They hooked me up to several machines to monitor baby and my heart rates. They gave me an IV with fluids and medication. Tyson was right by my side and we talked about how often our plans change. We were not planning on spending our Thursday evening in the hospital, trying to save our little baby. Tyson's parents came to support us and it was so nice of them to stay the whole time. They waited in the waiting room with Tyson as I was wheeled off to the Operation Room. They put a needle in my spine, very similar to an epidural. It numbed my whole bottom half of my body. It was so weird being awake for the procedure. I have had several surgeries in my life, and I would definitely prefer to be knocked out. I did not like being awake for the whole thing and not having control over my body. They tipped the bed almost completely upside down and performed the cervical cerclage. I was grateful to have an amazing doctor, who left his conference to perform the surgery that night for us! I was so grateful to be in his guided hands. 
Recovery has been just fine. They monitored baby and contractions for a few hours that night. I was having contractions every 7 minutes, so they gave me a shot to stop them. Thursday night was probably the longest night we have had in our lives. We were able to check out of the hospital a little after midnight and we were home by 1am. I experienced a lot of pain that night and was up at least every hour. I am on bed rest for the next two weeks, if not longer. 
I have never felt so blessed. I have never felt so humbled. I have never felt so happy. I can't imagine what would have happened this weekend, had I not gone into the doctor that day. We could have a baby right now, who possibly could not have made it, as I am only 24 weeks and 3 days. There have been so many blessings that we have seen the past few days. We also found out they do not perform this surgery after 25 weeks, so we literally made the cut-off by days. As much as we want this baby girl here with us, we want her to be fully grown and healthy! I am so glad she is locked in there for a little longer and hopefully will continue to push through these crazy circumstances that seem to come our way. She is our trooper! She is our miracle! 

I am grateful for all of the many prayers and support that we have felt the past few days. My mother and father in law who were at the hospital and also brought special treats for us yesterday, my sister who brought me lunch, my friend Jen who brought me beautiful flowers, all of my friends and family who have texted and called, and of course my MOM who surprised me ALL THE WAY from Hawaii! When I told her I was going into surgery, she booked the first flight from Hawaii to Vegas yesterday. She arrived last night and I could not be happier!! She is such an angel and has ALWAYS put her children first. I hope I can be half the mom she is to me!! 
I love Tyson so much and am so grateful for his love too. I have never met anyone so patient and understanding. As frustrating as these situations are for me, I know they are JUST as frustrating for him. He blesses me when needed and holds my hand every step of the way. The first night we were home from the hospital, I slept on the couch and woke up to him sleeping on the floor right next to me. He could have gone up to our comfortable bed, but he wanted to be by my side. I love him and I love the love he has for our baby girl. I am looking forward to a few more days of sleepovers on our mattress downstairs, until I can walk up the stairs again. He is the best husband and daddy I could have asked for! 
Our trials never end. We can always become better! There is always room for us to grow and learn. I had a feeling the day I got pregnant that our trials with infertility and trying to start our family was not over. It is STILL not over. I know that things are going to continue to happen - guaranteed. But I am grateful to know that we are being watched over constantly and our prayers are answered. I am grateful for the holy ghost that led me to the doctor that day. I know, just like the doctor said, that it was a MIRACLE I came into his office that day. I hope I can continue to listen to those promptings and that ALL of us going through trials will be in tune to those feelings and whispers leading us to where we are supposed to go. 

"Sometime in the eternities to come, we will see that our trials were calculated to cause us to turn to our Heavenly Father for strength and support. Any affliction or suffering we are called upon to bear may be directed to give us experience, refinement, and perfection." 
--Delbert L. Stapley

Sunday, September 9, 2012

A Mommy Moment

I LOVE Sundays. I love getting up in the morning and turning my Pandora station to church music. I love singing while I get ready, especially church songs! I love going to church and listening to the speakers in Sacrament. I love teaching my Sunday School class and the things my teenagers teach me. I love the spirit that I feel in Relief Society and the friendships I am making. I love coming home and eating Mac N cheese for lunch with Tyson. It is seriously our Sunday tradition... obsessed. I love relaxing until 5pm, when we go to our family Sunday Dinner. It is my favorite day. It is so relaxing, I get to be with the hubs all day and get to feel the spirit. 

I am SERIOUSLY pregnant. This morning while I was getting ready, the song I Am a Child of God came on my Pandora station. I love that song, but this morning when it came on I really listened to it. It says, "I am a child of God, And he has sent me here, Has given me an earthly home, With parents kind and dear. Lead me, guide me, walk beside me, Help me find the way. Teach me all that I must do, To live with him someday." I started crying!! I know... PREGNANT to the max, right? I was overwhelmed by the feeling I had. I KNOW that I am a child of God and he gave me an earthly home, with AMAZING parents. My mom and dad are the reason I am, who I am, today. And in a few months, I will have the responsibility of being a mom just like my mom was to me! And Tyson will have the responsibility of being a dad, just like my dad was to me! It is SO exciting... and a little overwhelming. 

For the past four years as we have struggled to get pregnant, I have watched my sisters, friends and co-workers, get pregnant, have babies and become mothers. I have watched them celebrate the happiest moments of their lives and I have seen them struggle and cry during their hardest trials, while being a mom. I am grateful for their examples and have learned a lot from them. I have learned from many of you that read my blog, even if you do not know. I have watched you and have learned from you. I am grateful for the mothers in my life and I hope I can be as good of a mom as you are! 

I was on bed rest for about 4 weeks and am so happy to be off! I am on semi-bed rest now, so I get to go to work (SO HAPPY!), but still need to "take it easy". My belly grows DAILY and the best day of my life was the day I FINALLY felt her move. I wish you could start feeling the baby inside of you at 8 weeks... not 21 weeks! Getting to this point has taken FOREVER I feel like. I love her and I can't wait for Tyson to get to feel her!! It is amazing how much I already love her. I would do anything for this little girl... ANYTHING! When I was on bed rest, I kept telling myself that this was only the beginning of changing my life for her. I wanted to go to work and to go shopping! I wanted to have date night and go to the gym! But I was sacrificing those "wants" of mine... for this baby girl! And I am totally okay with it. 

 Tyson and I went on a walk around the block the other night. It was dark out, but the street lights caused it so you could see our shadows on the wall. I was looking at our shadows and could NOT get over how big my belly was. I told Tyson to look at our shadows - I told him that I honestly never thought that I would be pregnant. I always had faith that I would be a mom - but I wasn't sure if we were going to adopt for that to happen. I just starred at my shadow as we talked about the past few years. Tyson said he always knew that I would be pregnant one day. I have never known anyone with so much faith. I still can't believe I am pregnant honestly. I look at myself daily and thank Heavenly Father for the opportunity to be pregnant. What a blessing! 

I saw this video today about motherhood and wanted to share it. What an amazing opportunity we have as women to be moms and as men to be dads! I know that being a mom is going to be tough, but I can't wait! I hope I can be a mom JUST like my mom. She taught me everything I know and loved me unconditionally. Tyson and I have dedicated our lives to this girl the past few years and she STILL isn't even here yet! I can't wait for her to be here and for Tyson and I to be able to raise her in our home and show her how much we love her every single day. 

"To the women within the sound of my voice who dearly want to be mothers and are not, I say through your tears and ours on that subject, God will yet, in days that lie somewhere ahead, bring “hope to the desolate heart.” As prophets have repeatedly taught from this pulpit, ultimately “no blessing shall be withheld” from the faithful, even if those blessings do not come immediately. " - Jeffrey R. Holland