Tuesday, January 31, 2012

The FINAL shot!

Yesterday morning I had a GREAT doctor's appointment! I think the nurses were surprised when they saw me in a suit, heels and my hair actually done. Over the weekend when I went in, I looked like a little hoodlum, but I really felt like I needed to go into work on Monday so I actually got ready for the day. I seriously HATE calling off of work! I feel like I get so far behind on everything when I miss a day and I really didn't want to use all of sick days for the year in January. It didn't take long for me to realize that going to work was a pretty bad mistake. I was in a lot of pain and I couldn't even stand up to get papers off of the printer! I was SO proud of myself though for sticking it out ALL day and did not even leave early. The second I got home though, I knew I couldn't go to work today, so unfortunately I had to call off.

Last night was amazing though! I cannot explain how excited I was to inject this last shot! I think Tyson and I both were excited. This shot is called Lupron, they also call it "the trigger shot." You inject it in 34 hours before retrieval. I had heard this shot was the worst so I was gearing up for it and it honestly was not bad at all! I actually was really happy because we became so use to having to do three shots a day, that having just one last night was a total breeze!
I am seriously so proud of Tyson! He did an amazing job with these injections. I could have NEVER done them on my own. In the beginning he was a little nervous about hurting me, but he seriously was PRO from day one. I told him he should forget about finance school and he should become a doctor! :)
It has felt SO nice to stay at home and relax today. My body REALLY needs to just lay down. It is pretty much the only comfortable position right now. I am really excited for tomorrow morning! I do not like being knocked out, but I am more than ready for these cute little follicles to get out of me. Thank you so much for all of your prayers - we can truly feel all of them. We have been so blessed in so many ways the past few weeks and know none of these miracles would be coming to pass without the power of prayer!

“God is eagerly waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, just as he always has. But he can't if you don't pray, and he can't if you don't dream. In short, he can't if you don't believe.”
Jeffrey R. Holland

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Enjoying the Roller Coaster Ride

First of all, thank you everyone for your kind comments about this blog. I have already received private emails from a few friends that I have lost contact with since High School, who are going through this same experience. I was so excited to hear from all of you and I am excited to share stories and be a support for each other through this exciting time in our lives! I have created this blog to help those who are going through trials, not even JUST infertility trials. I want everyone to know that they are not alone and that we all go through these hard times sometime in our lives. I hope that as I share my story with each of you, that you will know that everything happens for a reason and that by sharing our stories, maybe all of us can be a little happier as we overcome the hard times in life!

Today I realized that I really do feel like I am on a roller coaster. One day I feel like I am on the track of good news. The roller coaster is on it's way up and the doctor's have nothing, but good news for me. I feel like I am on top of the world and that nothing can bring me down... And then the day comes that the doctor doesn't say EXACTLY what you want to hear, and you feel your emotions going down. The part of the roller coaster where you are falling and you really don't want to fall anymore... That would be me today!
Today we went into the doctor under the impression we would be ready to have our "trigger shot" tonight and be ready for retrieval tomorrow... but we were wrong. Our appointment was at 10:30am this morning and the office was really quiet. There were a few men in the waiting room, who come to find out were actually waiting for their wives to be done with surgery. They were doing what I am hopefully going to be doing on Wednesday. They drew my blood as always and I waited in the waiting room until they called us to the back. It is so crazy going through this - I literally have a permanent cotton ball and tape on my left arm! Needles aren't even a big deal anymore...they are pretty much second nature at this point!
Tyson and I waited patiently in our room. They normally come in super fast, but we waited a while today. Dr. Shapiro walked in with a smile on his face and told us that we couldn't have asked for a better cycle. He said that my numbers were more than we could have hoped for and that he is under the impression we should have our whole family from this one cycle. I was so happy - so of course I jumped to the conclusion that we were on track and we were on pace for retrieval tomorrow.
The ultrasound girls came in and they couldn't believe how many follicles I had. I now have 75! Normally, women have 12. My numbers are increasing, but because they are they will need to pull all 75 out, which means they ALL need to mature. They said the majority of them are great and maturing, but there are a few that still need to grow a bit more so we will need to postpone the trigger shot until tomorrow night and retrieve on Wednesday. I seriously was such a grumpy girl when they said this! I couldn't believe it. Here I am, being SO patient and SO anxious for retrieval and they told me I had to wait ANOTHER day!
When we got into the car, I was pretty upset. Tyson quickly reminded me that I have been so patient and we have waited about three years for this, that he thinks we can wait ONE MORE DAY! Of course, he is always so positive, even when I am not. :) By the time we got home, I realized that he was right. We seriously have waited YEARS for this... what is one more day going to be?

There are so many things going RIGHT in our lives right now... why am I focusing on the one, not so good, but not even a big deal, thing?! We feel SO blessed about my follicles and that my body is responding so well to the shots every night. Even though my ovaries are 45 times their normal size right now...and boy can I feel them... that is a miracle in itself! The pain is getting worse every day and the feeling is extremely uncomfortable, but I am so excited I can not even complain.

“It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It all works out in the end. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers.”

I am grateful for these crazy roller coaster days and I am happy that I am learning how to enjoy the ride!

Saturday, January 28, 2012

The Start of Something NEW

Tyson told me about a year ago, that I should really keep up on our blog. I was going through a hard time as we were trying to have a baby and he thought it would help me if I blogged about what we were going through. He thought it would help me get my feelings out and at the same time, could possibly help others who were going through similar situations. I didn't feel ready at the time and didn't feel like it would be useful... But I am excited today, to start this blog about our lives and to share how we have dealt and continue to deal with infertility.

It is so crazy how many people I know who have experienced infertility or are actually experiencing it with us right now. Something that is really important to me is having a support system and knowing that I am not the only one going through this trial, so that is the very purpose of this blog. Not only to inform our family and friends of what is going on in our lives, but it is also to help those who want to have babies and are having a hard time. I hope that I can keep up on this blog and touch the lives of others through this exciting journey of becoming parents!

Our story begins on June 7, 2009 - We were going to help our friends, Amanda and Beau move into their new apartment. We had been married about seven months and were loving our lives. Babies were not even on our mind! I woke up that morning not feeling well. I remember I was feeling pretty nauseated every night that week, but we did not think anything of it. I realized that morning though, that the symptoms I was having were somewhat what my sister had always explained to me when she was pregnant. We really didn't think we were pregnant, but we thought we would buy a test JUST in case. When we got home from helping the Neville's move, we took a test and it was POSITIVE!!!! We honestly did not know what to do with ourselves. We were in complete shock for about an hour, but it did not take long for us to become overwhelmed with excitement! When are we due? Is it going to be a boy or girl? Do we have enough money for this? Can we afford for me to be a stay at home mom? What colors are the nursery going to be? And the questions went on and on. I am known to get really excited about things and jump 10 steps ahead of the game, which was the case this time.

We waited about one week to tell our family and a few days after that we told all of our friends. We bought books and magazines and had a few doctor's appointments with my OBGYN - Dr. Juarez. I was 9 weeks pregnant by this point and on that Sunday, I woke up to a horrible feeling. We went to the Emergency Room and to much of our dismay, we were miscarrying our first baby. Words cannot describe how sad I was that day! To go from being on the highest cloud of happiness one minute and to be thrown down the next was a horrible feeling. After many doctor's visits and testing, I needed to have a DNC. This was the second DNC I had needed to have in my life, so I knew the protocol. I was admitted into the hospital and they knocked me out. It is a very quick procedure and recovery was easy.

I soon recovered and we decided that the experience of miscarrying helped us realize that we wanted to start our family. We never really thought about it, until that had happened to us. We feel like that was Heavenly Father's way of letting us know that we should start to consider having babies. It really opened our minds and our hearts longed to have children. We decided to start trying on our own and about six months past with no success. We received help from Dr. Juarez, who I love and trust so much. He put me on clomid, "which is used to induce ovulation (egg production) in women who do not produce ova (eggs) but wish to become pregnant (infertility). Clomiphene is in a class of medications called ovulatory stimulants. It works similarly to estrogen, a female hormone that causes eggs to develop in the ovaries and be released."

We did six rounds of clomid, with no success. That was when Dr. Juarez recommended we look into an Infertility Specialist. We heard good things about Dr. Fisch with SHER Institute here in Las Vegas, so we started working with him in December 2010. He was great, but unfortunately was not the doctor for our miracle. He suggested doing a procedure called IUI, which stands for Intra-Uterine Insemination. Our first round of IUI failed and our second and third tries were cancelled due to not enough eggs being formed in my body from the medication.

At this point, I was heart broken. I felt like I was doing everything in my life that I was supposed to and was questioning why me? Why do I have to go through this? Why are all of my friends getting pregnant and I can't? I felt like I was almost being punished and I did not know why. I felt like the most important thing in my life, the goal that I had always wanted to achieve, was being withheld from me. Tyson and I decided to take a break from everything. It was becoming too emotionally, physically and financially draining. It was through much prayer and many blessings that I came at ease with our situation in the year of 2011. I was able to focus on my career and Tyson and I were able to strengthen our marriage. Tyson was able to get more school done and we were able to save some money. We became closer than we ever had before and I began to see the many blessings that I had in my life. I realized that I wasn't being punished, yet it was a blessing in disguise. Every single one of us go through trials for special reasons and when we finally figure out why we had to go through that trial, we then find true happiness! I learned a lot about patience and the Lord's timing. I learned about happiness and the power of the priesthood and prayers. I saw our families concern and love for us and appreciated all of our friends who supported and lifted us up.

In December 2011, Tyson and I decided we were ready! We were ready for a new beginning. We were ready to try again and felt more than ever that it was what Heavenly Father wanted of us. We did research on several Infertility Doctor's to get a second opinion and that is when we found out about Dr. Bruce Shapiro. We seriously love him. He is always so positive and has NEVER said he didn't know what to do or he wasn't sure if something was going to work. He always has a smile on his face and makes me feel like I am the only patient he has ever had. He makes us believe that he truly wants to help us have a miracle baby in our lives! It did not take us long to get on board with him, as Tyson and I both knew that he was the doctor for us. We went to a siminar to hear him speak and soon after went to a free consultation. Because the other procedures we had performed had failed, he suggested we perform IVF, which stands for InVitro Fertilization.
Last week we started at home shots. Every night at 9pm, Tyson puts three injections into my stomach. They were not too painful until a few nights ago. One shot is to increase the number of follicles and eggs I produce, one is to make them mature and the other is to prevent ovulation. They have truly worked miracles in my body!! Dr. Shapiro always says, "you only need ONE egg to make a baby!" but his goal is to get as many follicles as possible to work with. On average, women produce about 20 follicles, but you will never believe how many I have produced... 69 follicles!!! It is seriously incredible. I have hit the record of the "most follicles" in a cycle of IVF for their office. It is an incredible blessing and we could not be happier. I seriously feel like I have a bowling ball inside of me though. I feel like someone put a huge weight inside of me! I keep saying, I dont care how painful this is right now... it will be worth it!

For the next three days I have been instructed to relax and not do too much. I am looking forward to movies and naps! :) If everything goes accordingly at the doctor tomorrow, we will be doing a trigger shot and I will be knocked out on Monday for egg retrieval. I will be sure to keep everyone updated.

Tyson and I are so excited for this cycle of IVF. We are so grateful to have the financial means we need to go through these procedures. We are grateful to have eachother! I can not imagine going through this with anyone else. He has been the most amazing support and has incredible patience. I have had mood swings like crazy and I am grateful for him putting up with me. I will be so positive and excited one minute and so sad and upset the next... its horrible. We are so grateful for our family and for their support and prayers. They have helped us every second of the way and we have felt their prayers! We are grateful for friends, who let us hold their babies! We love babies and can't wait to have one of our own. We love that our friends support us as well and are anxious about our story! We are grateful for modern medicine! It is incredible to think of all of the procedures and medication that I have put into my body. I can't imagine not living in this day and age and with the problems that I have, being told that there isn't anything I can do and I just can't have babies! We are so grateful for Dr. Shapiro and for his positive attitude. We are crossing our fingers that he is going to be able to work this miracle over the next few months. Above all, we are extremely grateful for our Heavenly Father. Without Him, nothing would be possible! These miracles we are seeing already would not be happening if it weren't for Him. We are grateful that we know that He is watching over us and know that everything happens for a reason.

Tyson and I have a motto, "great things are worth waiting for!" We know that this baby is SO worth the wait!