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Sunday, January 29, 2012

Enjoying the Roller Coaster Ride

First of all, thank you everyone for your kind comments about this blog. I have already received private emails from a few friends that I have lost contact with since High School, who are going through this same experience. I was so excited to hear from all of you and I am excited to share stories and be a support for each other through this exciting time in our lives! I have created this blog to help those who are going through trials, not even JUST infertility trials. I want everyone to know that they are not alone and that we all go through these hard times sometime in our lives. I hope that as I share my story with each of you, that you will know that everything happens for a reason and that by sharing our stories, maybe all of us can be a little happier as we overcome the hard times in life!

Today I realized that I really do feel like I am on a roller coaster. One day I feel like I am on the track of good news. The roller coaster is on it's way up and the doctor's have nothing, but good news for me. I feel like I am on top of the world and that nothing can bring me down... And then the day comes that the doctor doesn't say EXACTLY what you want to hear, and you feel your emotions going down. The part of the roller coaster where you are falling and you really don't want to fall anymore... That would be me today!
Today we went into the doctor under the impression we would be ready to have our "trigger shot" tonight and be ready for retrieval tomorrow... but we were wrong. Our appointment was at 10:30am this morning and the office was really quiet. There were a few men in the waiting room, who come to find out were actually waiting for their wives to be done with surgery. They were doing what I am hopefully going to be doing on Wednesday. They drew my blood as always and I waited in the waiting room until they called us to the back. It is so crazy going through this - I literally have a permanent cotton ball and tape on my left arm! Needles aren't even a big deal anymore...they are pretty much second nature at this point!
Tyson and I waited patiently in our room. They normally come in super fast, but we waited a while today. Dr. Shapiro walked in with a smile on his face and told us that we couldn't have asked for a better cycle. He said that my numbers were more than we could have hoped for and that he is under the impression we should have our whole family from this one cycle. I was so happy - so of course I jumped to the conclusion that we were on track and we were on pace for retrieval tomorrow.
The ultrasound girls came in and they couldn't believe how many follicles I had. I now have 75! Normally, women have 12. My numbers are increasing, but because they are they will need to pull all 75 out, which means they ALL need to mature. They said the majority of them are great and maturing, but there are a few that still need to grow a bit more so we will need to postpone the trigger shot until tomorrow night and retrieve on Wednesday. I seriously was such a grumpy girl when they said this! I couldn't believe it. Here I am, being SO patient and SO anxious for retrieval and they told me I had to wait ANOTHER day!
When we got into the car, I was pretty upset. Tyson quickly reminded me that I have been so patient and we have waited about three years for this, that he thinks we can wait ONE MORE DAY! Of course, he is always so positive, even when I am not. :) By the time we got home, I realized that he was right. We seriously have waited YEARS for this... what is one more day going to be?

There are so many things going RIGHT in our lives right now... why am I focusing on the one, not so good, but not even a big deal, thing?! We feel SO blessed about my follicles and that my body is responding so well to the shots every night. Even though my ovaries are 45 times their normal size right now...and boy can I feel them... that is a miracle in itself! The pain is getting worse every day and the feeling is extremely uncomfortable, but I am so excited I can not even complain.

“It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It all works out in the end. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers.”

I am grateful for these crazy roller coaster days and I am happy that I am learning how to enjoy the ride!

1 comments:

Shaela said...

Being patient for even one more day can be hard... but you can do it!! :) One of my favorite quotes is from Elder Wirthlin: "Come what may, and love it." :) Hugs and prayers for you!!