Sunday, July 29, 2012

Try a little HARDER, to be a little BETTER...

Do you have that one person in your life that you can always count on? That one person who you call when you get exciting news from a friend. Or the person you call when you get a good grade or do something well at work. That person you text during the day, just so they know you are thinking of them. That person who is always on your mind whether you are in a meeting or trying to fall asleep. That person that can make you smile on the worst day and that person who can drive you absolutely nuts at the same time. That person who you love SO much and you know you couldn't live without them...

Well, I have someone like that in my life. His name is Tyson Hunter Davis and he is 24 years old. 
I feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world. I definitely scored big when it comes to having a good husband. I have never met anyone like him. We have been through some of the craziest and hardest trials in the 3.5 years we have been married and Tyson has been so strong through it all. I have never heard him complain or get upset because of our circumstances and trials we have had to face. He has always been that constant rock and support for me. 
Tyson is one of those guys that does NOT cry. In fact, I have only seen him cry 3 times our whole married life. I will always remember the first time I saw him cry. It was May 2009 and we had sat in the ER for hours as they ran tests on me and our baby. I was only 9 weeks pregnant at the time, but Tyson was so excited to be a dad. I remember driving home from the hospital after finding out we were miscarrying and Tyson was so put together. I was so upset and did not know how to handle myself and Tyson was there to hold my hand. I remember him walking me up the stairs to our humble apartment and laying by me in the bed. I was in a lot of pain, probably the most pain I have ever felt in my whole life, and Tyson laid next to me. He didn't think he could do anything to take the pain away, but what he doesn't know, is that he did. Just him being there helped so much. I remember seeing his eyes fill up with tears as we went through this trial together. That was the first time he was by my side through the hardest trial of my life, thus far. I don't know what I would have done that day, had he not been there. 
That was the first, but definitely not the last time he was by my side. He has been there through all of my sicknesses, through 8 rounds of failed clomid, through all of the fertility testing, through 1 failed IUI procedure, through 2 cancelled IUI procedures, through several surgeries, 2 D&Cs, and a whole cycle of IVF. If anyone has gone through any of those procedures, you know they are not fun. I don't remember a moment through any of those things that Tyson was not by my side. He has been there to listen, watch, pray and participate. He has been full of patience and love every second of the way.
When I wrote Tyson on his mission to tell him the doctor had told me that I was going to struggle having children in the future, Tyson asked his companion for advise. Tyson asked his companion what he thought he should say to comfort me during a difficult time in my life. His companion replied, "I would not write her anymore. I would never marry someone who could not have children." 
I am so grateful Tyson didn't listen to his companion. I am grateful that he loved me enough to help me through my trial and he did not just leave me because of a bump in the road. I love that I have a husband that takes care of me 24 hours a day, cooks every meal, cleans constantly, does loads of laundry and still has time to work and go to school. I hope I can be more like him. I hope I can always remember that even though there are bumps in the road, that it doesn't mean to give up. It means we work a little harder and do a little better to get through our challenges. Tyson is such a good example for everyone - I hope I don't come across as bragging about my amazing husband, more so, to inform you of the person he is and so we can all strive to be be better wives, husbands, mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, and friends. 

"Try a little HARDER, to be a little BETTER..." - President Hinckley 

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Prayers are HEARD... and then they are ANSWERED

After my last post, I had so many different people contact me advising me that I should look into going to a High Risk doctor. I was going to wait the 4 weeks that Natalie had suggested at my appointment, but after talking to so many people, who had the same opinion about my situation, I decided to look into a High Risk doctor. I called Natalie and left a message for her and she called me back almost immediately. She knew how shaken up I was about how our appointment went, that she knew I probably wouldn't be able to sleep if she didn't call me back that same day. I asked her what her thoughts were in regards to seeing a High Risk doctor, and she said she also suggests that I go to one. She referred me to Desert Perinatal. 

I was put on bed rest for 4 weeks like I mentioned in my last post, but Dr. advised me that if I needed to go to work that I could, just to not walk around and to make sure I sat in one spot. They also put me on 100% bed rest after work and on the weekends. With that being said, I went to work yesterday! I was off Thursday - Sunday on bed rest and felt like I could go back to work on Monday. I am out of sick days at this point and I would really like to stay away from having to take a Leave of Absence. I love my job and it is such a blessing in our lives financially and with insurance, so I will do anything to continue working at this point. I went to work and it didn't take long for me to realize that working was probably a bad idea. I was cramping pretty badly and was told I shouldn't get up a lot. That is hard while working in an office! I HAD to get up to get things off the printer, make copies, check the fax, fill up my water bottle and go to the bathroom. Around 2pm I got really sick and decided I probably needed to go home. My co-workers are SO protective and 100% supporters of this baby. They called for a wheelchair to be delivered and would not let me drive myself home. They pushed me in the wheelchair through my office, down the elevator, through BOTH casinos and to the parking garage. Ashley drove me home in my car and Rochelle followed behind. They were amazing friends! I was so grateful for them. 
I laid down for the rest of the day and called the doctor. The doctor didn't call me until this morning, but called me first thing in the morning! She advised me not to go to work today and to lay down. They were also able to squeeze me into Desert Perinatal with Dr. Vo in Summerlin. I was so grateful they were able to squeeze me into their busy schedules! Tyson was able to leave work for a lunch break so he could drive me. We pulled up and I was very anxious. I had a feeling that everything was going to be okay! I think this was the first appointment that I was not nervous and I had a really strong feeling that the baby was going to be just fine! 

They put us in the room with the nicest ultrasound systems. It was so neat to be able to see the ultrasound on a TV on the wall and not have to twist my neck to see it on their small ultrasound screen. We were able to see our healthy little baby, who is absolutely perfect!! Heart is beating 146bpm and we got to see him SO clearly! It was so great and SO comforting for Tyson and I to see how healthy he was. I just can't stop staring at the pictures. This little baby is such a miracle and we are so grateful for every passing day where this baby gets to grow! 
The doctor came in and was SO nice. She explained everything she was looking at in detail and answered all of our questions. She explained why I am High Risk and said that I will definitely be a High Risk pregnancy patient for the rest of my pregnancy. She took a look at our ultrasounds and had a smile on her face. She said that the tears that I have in placenta are already re-attaching to my uterus! She said they are kind of like bruises and sometimes they take time to heal, but they will eventually heal themselves. She advised for me to be on 100% bed rest for 1 more week, I can not even go to work - and we will see how I am next Monday. If I feel good and everything continues to heal, I can go back to work next week. 

I am planning on not moving and literally laying in my bed and on the couch for the next 7 days, 24 hours a day. I am willing to do anything for this baby, even if it means to just lay in one place. If anyone has any ideas of fun things to do this week, let me know! I plan on scrapbooking, reading Heaven is Here, Facebook stalking everyone, Instagram stalking Jef and Emily (Bachelorette), watching the news (weird and random new obsession), watching movies, and of course sleeping. 

I know that prayers are answered. Sometimes they take a LONG time to be answered (this baby took almost 4 years of praying), and sometimes they are answered so quickly! I was told that the placenta takes weeks to reattach, if at all, and it has only been 5 days and they have seen a difference. I have the greatest family and friends in the whole world!! Something that is really neat that I have seen the past few days is the power of prayer in all faiths. I have friends, friends of friends, family and family of friends, who have told me they are praying for me - all of which are of different faiths and beliefs. I love that I can feel your prayers and that Heavenly Father is answering them so quickly! 

I have a two year old niece who said her night night prayers all by herself the other night. My sister heard her say, "Pease bless Aunt Dani baby...healthyyyy." I love the prayer of an innocent little girl. I know that He hears the prayers of a 2 year old and He hears the prayers of adults. I am grateful for all of my family and friends who have prayed and continue to pray for our little miracle. Tyson and I feel them. Our baby feels them. We are so blessed!! 

"Never assume that you can make it alone. You need the help of the Lord. Never hesitate to get on your knees in some private place and speak with Him. What a marvelous and wonderful thing is prayer. Think of it. We can actually speak with our Father in Heaven. He will hear and respond, but we need to listen to that response. Nothing is too serious and nothing too unimportant to share with Him."
                                                                    --Gordon B. Hinkley

Friday, July 20, 2012

Through the Good and the Bad

Yesterday was one of those days. One of those days that you just wish would have never happened. One of those days that felt like the day was never going to end. One of those days where you cry so much that your eyes burn and you can barely even see. 

It was a normal day and I was feeling totally fine! I went to work and had my morning meeting at 9am. We stand up during the meeting and after standing for about 5 minutes, I started cramping really bad. I waited until the meeting concluded and ran to the bathroom. After everything I have been through to get this baby, I am extra cautious and worry about every little feeling. I went to the bathroom and saw something I did NOT want to see. I kept calm and was able to walk back to my office without crying or freaking out. I had bled before during this pregnancy, so I have learned to stay calm. As soon as I walked into my office and saw my friend Andrea, I lost it. I called the doctor and they told me to come in immediately. I am 14 weeks and obviously, bleeding is not a great thing at this point. 

I called Tyson on my way to the doctor. I was crying so much. Memories of 3 years ago fled threw my mind of losing my baby. I was so upset and did not know what to expect. Natalie, Dr. Juarez's PA, was able to pull me in immediately. It didn't take long for her to pull the doppler out and what do you know? A healthy, strong, baby heartbeat!! I seriously wanted to lay there and listen to that beat forever. The baby was moving around and more tears fell from my eyes. My baby is okay!! I was so happy. 

It didn't take long for my attitude to change. I was super positive and so excited. Natalie told me she still wanted to do an ultrasound JUST to make sure everything else was still okay. In my mind, all I needed was a healthy baby! BUT the doctor knows better than me. I waited about an hour until the ultrasound room had an opening. 

I sat down for my ultrasound and my belly looked so big! The ultrasound tech took a few pictures of the baby and a LOT of pictures of my uterus, placenta, amniotic fluid, cervix, etc. I had a feeling something was wrong when she turned the lights on and said, "Maybe you should go wait in the waiting room. I am not sure if the doctor wants to talk to you again." I sat patiently and waited for Natalie to come and get me. She pulled me into the back and had me sit down. She shut the door and seemed nervous. She apologized for taking so long because she had to talk to the Doctor about what they had seen. Unfortunately, she showed me the pictures of my uterus and placenta and said I have 2 subchorionic hematomas. This is a fancy way of saying that I have 2 tears in my placenta and it is detaching from my uterus. As you can imagine, I was in shock. I had just heard my baby's heartbeat and saw how healthy he was moving around in there! And now she tells me my placenta is tearing. 

I asked a lot of questions and she tried to answer positively. I did not cry! I stayed strong and tried to have a clear mind to ask all of the questions I had. I learned that if these tears continue, I will go into pre-term labor and at this point, lose my baby. I have been put on bed rest for the next 4 weeks. I am only allowed to go to work and sit. I can't go grocery shopping, cook, clean, or go out. I need to lay down as much as possible. 100% on the weekends and evenings. I have a follow up ultrasound in 4 weeks and that will determine a few things. It will either correct itself and the placenta will re-grow and re-attach to my uterus, or I will be put on 100% bed rest and go to a high risk doctor for treatment to prevent pre-term labor. At this point anything is possible. It can go either way and anything can happen. I am just laying here - praying, hoping and crossing all of my fingers that it will correct itself. 

I got into the car and lost it. I cried to Tyson and my mom. I cried to my siblings and my mother in law. I cried to my boss and Andrea. I honestly don't remember the last time I was SO upset. I am so nervous! I am scared! It is so discouraging! I just kept saying, WHY me?! If there is something that can go wrong, WHY do I get it? WHY after everything I have been through to get this baby (and I do have a healthy baby!!) does something like this happen? I am going to be SO upset if this baby doesn't make it because of MY body. I was so frustrated and just keep crying! 

I have now had 24 hours to calm down and really think about this situation. I am so blessed to have a husband who holds the priesthood and was able to give me a blessing with my brother in law, Jon. In the blessing, he blessed me to know that my Heavenly Father loves me and to always remember that no matter what happens, good or bad. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me. I knew that this pregnancy wasn't going to be perfect, but I knew it was going to be worth the try. Every day is a true miracle when it comes to this baby. I love every time I see my growing belly. I love every little twinge I feel, knowing the baby is growing. I love hearing that heart beat so strong. I love knowing that this baby is mine forever! I already love him/her so so much. 

I am grateful for bad days. I feel like it really makes us appreciate the good days! I am grateful that through our trials, we can always turn to God. He is always there and he hears all of our prayers. He knows of mine and Tyson's desire to become parents and I know we will be blessed. I pray constantly that this baby will continue to be healthy and that my placenta will re-attach quickly. We are so blessed! Tyson and I are so grateful to be pregnant! After almost 4 years of not even being pregnant, this is a true miracle! Even though there are some bumps, I know we will get through them! As Tyson says, "At least we have each other...and that is all I need!" 

I hope that as everyone continues on with their trials that you all will remember that Heavenly Father loves you, no matter what happens, through the good and the bad!

"Think of the purest, most all-consuming love you can imagine. Now multiply that love by an infinite amount—that is the measure of God’s love for you." - DIETER F. UCHTDORF

Monday, July 9, 2012

A Growing Belly...

For the past 3.5 years I have been so jealous of all of my friend's baby bumps. I felt like I was the only girl in the world that was not pregnant! It got so discouraging sometimes, I just had to tell myself NOT to look at Facebook throughout the day, because it would only make me sad. Don't get me wrong - I was so happy for all of my friends! It was just hard to see so many people have the thing that I wanted. The thing that I had been praying and hoping for, for years! I am so excited that now I get a turn. I get a turn to grow a little belly. I get a turn to take pictures and post them for the world to see! From the moment we found out that we were pregnant, we took a picture of my stomach. Going through InVitro, they say a woman will gain 5-10lbs a cycle, WITHOUT even getting pregnant! I had definitely gained a few pounds and was extremely bloated, even at 4 weeks! 

I am so grateful for this opportunity to be pregnant and to start our family. I do not take ANY day for granted. I feel like every day is a miracle and I just hope and pray every day that this baby will keep growing and be healthy. Having had a miscarriage in the past and then gone through these treatments, I am such a worrier. I just want everything to go perfectly! Things have not gone perfectly, but luckily we have gotten through each bump in the road. I love that I have been keeping track each week of the things that have happened so I will always remember this crazy time in life. 

For all of my friends that are still struggling with infertility or other trials in life... Something I learned through the past few weeks is that Heavenly Father has a plan for everyone. His plan is great. His love is perfect. And as we continue on in faith, things fall into place. I am now seeing the reasons my faithful, righteous desire of becoming a mom was postponed for a few years. I have been able to think back on the past few years, and I am SO happy that I got to spend this extra time with just Tyson. We have been able to strengthen our marriage and have created a bond together that may not have been possible, had we had a baby exactly when we wanted. I know that Heavenly Father's plan is much better than ours. EVERYTHING works out. Do not give up. 

"You have not failed, until you quit trying." - President Gordon B. Hinckley