Thursday, January 3, 2013

Its Not Over - But I Can See the Finish Line

Tyson ran a marathon a few months ago. When he talks about it he describes it as one of the hardest, but most rewarding things he has ever done. He worked really hard training for it and when the time came to run the race he was so excited. He can tell you how strong of a start he had and how he had to go up and down many hills throughout the race. He then will tell you towards the end he was ready to give up, but he didn't... he kept going until he made it past the finish line. 

I feel like I have been running a little marathon myself the past 9 months. It has been one of the hardest things I have ever done! I worked really hard trying to get pregnant and when I finally became pregnant and started the race I was so excited. I had a strong start and have had to go up and down many hills throughout the experience. Today was the day I felt like giving up, but I will not... I am going to keep going until I make it past the finish line like Tyson did. 
I had my weekly appointment this morning and I have been really excited about it. I was going to talk to Dr. Bohman about inducing me because I thought 1/3/13 would be a pretty fun birthday for Laila. My mom was able to come with me to the appointment and they began measuring her cute little body. She is such a big girl - 7lbs 15oz is what she measured at. I was a 10lbs baby, so I expected her to be pretty fat like her mama. :) She has big lips and a cute little nose... she actually has her DAD's nose, which I find comforting knowing that Dr. Shapiro did implant our embryo inside of me and not someone else's. :) 
After she was measured the doctor came in. I was so confident and truly thought all of my complications with pregnancy were behind me. I asked him about inducing me and he said, "Before we talk about that, there is something else we need to discuss." I have been to SO many doctors appointment the past few years. I KNOW when something is wrong. I could tell that he had something to tell me, that I was not expecting. Doctor then began to explain that my sweet miracle girl is pretty much stuck inside of me. My birth canal is too small and she is not able to drop any further. I have noticed that she has been high and she still is up in my ribs, but I didn't think anything of it, as this is my first baby. He then explained that because of this, I will have to have a C-Section. This was NOT what I expected to hear this morning! 
I have been planning on having a natural birth forever. A C-Section was not even on my mind. I went into monitoring as I do each week and I had a few contractions. I have been contracting since Christmas Day, but they are not pushing her down far enough. While laying in the monitoring room, I called Tyson to give him the news and of COURSE I started crying. I am not sure if it is because I am pregnant or if I have an actual good reason to cry... but I did. I wasn't sad that I needed to have a C-Section. I know a lot of people that have had them done and have heard good things about them. I was sad because I had hit ANOTHER bump in my marathon. I had a hard time getting pregnant and needed doctors help to make this little miracle to begin with. I then had a hard time keeping her inside of me and needed doctors help to lock her inside. And today I learned that I am having a hard time getting her out of me and will need doctors help to get her out. 
I had my moment of sadness and tears... but I decided to pick myself up and finish this race! How lucky I am that they found this silly thing wrong with me. I should have known I wasn't done... we are never done with our trials, are we?! I am so grateful for good doctors! I feel so blessed that they caught this now and I didn't have to labor and then have a C-Section. I know that everything happens for a reason. For some reason, I am not supposed to have this baby naturally and I know that it is going to be okay. Has anything truly been "natural" with this pregnancy anyways? :) I am SO grateful she is a chunky, healthy girl! We can NOT wait to meet her on January 10, 2013 (my mom's birthday too!) at 4pm. 

“Perseverance means to continue in a given course until we have reached a goal or objective, regardless of obstacles, opposition, and other counterinfluences...Perseverance is a positive, active characteristic...It gives us hope by helping us realize that the righteous suffer no failure except in giving up and no longer trying.” 


Shaela said...

You cried for all the reasons you mentioned, but isn't it wonderful that you CAN cry about it? That the Lord has blessed us with minds and bodies to be able to think and feel and love so deeply that we are moved to tears? :) Hugs to you - she will be wonderful and perfect no matter how she gets here!!