Holy Hormones!!! (like Holy Smokes!)

It was a great Friday morning in the office. I was SO happy the week was over and I was eating a delicious yogurt with strawberries at my desk. My mom, sister and future brother-in-law were in town for a few wedding festivities this weekend, so I was pretty excited to get off work. My cell phone rang at 9am on the dot and the name that appeared on the screen was "Dr. Shapiro." I am use to getting calls from their office every day, but they are never that early in the morning... that is when I knew something wasn't right. I closed my office door and the nurse began to speak. She let me know that my blood tests came back from that morning already and they saw something that was not right. I literally hung up the phone and had a full on break down!! Don't get me wrong, what the nurse had said was NOT even that big of a deal, but I had just had enough for that week. It seemed like every day for the past two weeks, I got some sort of bad news.

I first got a call explaining my prolactin hormone levels are too high - which in most cases, means that I have a tumor on my pituitary gland. This tumor is very small on my brain and there are several ways that I will be able to treat it. My first MRI is scheduled in two weeks and we will have a lot more information after we receive those results. I have spoke to several people who have experienced this and everyone has had very successful treatments. According to what I know now (which isn't much!) there are two treatments. One is a pill that I will be on for the rest of my life to make the tumor smaller and to be sure it does not expand OR I have the option of surgically removing it. They actually would go through my upper lip, through the back of my nose and into my brain that way. When I heard this... I was fine! I just knew that everything was going to be okay!

I then found out from an ultrasound that I have a cyst on my uterus. I have NO idea why my other infertility doctor never saw this. It is almost completely blocking anything from going into my uterus, let alone allowing an embryo to impant! This was another reason we found out, why I may not have been able to conceive. I will be getting knocked out again in a few weeks, to get the cyst removed. When I heard this... I was fine! I just knew that everything was going to be okay!

On Thursday I received a call, letting me know that I had an imbalance of hormones. This is an easy fix though. I have been put on a 10 day pill, twice a day, which will get the hormones back to its correct levels. When I heard this... I was fine! I just knew that everything was going to be okay!

The following day, another phone call was received. It was almost like a joke! I told the nurse..."what NOW?!" My blood levels now showed a low red blood cell count, which means I am anemic. I have been anemic before, so I know how it feels and works. To treat this I may need a blood transfusion this week, an iron treatment or it could be as simple as iron pills.

I tried to remember the blessings we have had, but at that specific moment it was really hard to be positive. I felt like giving up and was extremely discouraged. Why is it, that EVERY day, they find something wrong with me? I have had shots, blood tests, pills, surgery, and sickness the past three weeks. I was not mad or upset that I have a tumor on my brain or a cyst on my uterus, I wasn't mad that my hormones are wacked or that my red blood cells are down. I was just upset as a WHOLE - the only word I could think of was FRUSTRATED. I just want to be a mom. I just want to be healthy. And I am willing to do anything it takes for that that to be possible.

I really just needed to talk to someone, so I called my two besties - Tyson and my mom. It is so awesome that I am able to see two different people's perspectives. Tyson was so positive and did not want me to be upset. He tried to help me see the blessings and to not be so sad. My mom told me through my tears that it was okay to cry and sometimes we just need to let it out. All of the hormones in my body right now REALLY don't help in situations like these! :)

On Friday night, we had a girls night as we baked and decorated for Lexie's bridal shower. We sat down and took a break and that is when I noticed something unusual about my feet. THEY WERE MASSIVE!! I was like... umm.. girls? ladies? What is wrong with me? LOOK AT MY FEET! I started freaking out and of course cried again, because I had the ugliest legs, kankles and feet in the world. The doctor had told me that I was retaining too much water, but I didn't know that I would look like an elephant! I literally raised my feet up all night and I am so happy to say the swelling went down.

A great friend yesterday told me she read a book about a gentleman who was diagnosed with a horrible disease. Much like me, he was upset and becoming very discouraged about what his life was becoming. That is when he decided he would allow a few minutes every morning to have a personal pity party for himself. He was able to feel bad or sad for those moments about his disease and health. Once a few minutes passed, he would pick himself up and stay positive the rest of the day. He would make every day a great day, but needed those few minutes to get his sadness out. I loved that because I feel like that is how I was on Friday. I just needed a moment to be sad. I just needed a moment to cry out my tears. We are truly the only ones that can decide if we are going to be sad or happy that day. I am going to choose to be HAPPY every day... even if I do need to have a little pity party each morning. :)

I love that! I love that only I can choose if I want to be happy. Only I can choose if I am going to let all of these silly things bring me down. Only I can choose to make the best of it and just go with the flow! I hope we all can be a little happier and a little bit more positive. When struggles come our way, it IS okay to cry - but maybe we can try to look at the blessings after we get the tears out, for that is when we feel the BEST!

“The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.”

― Marjorie Pay Hinckley