Saturday, January 26, 2013

A Final Thought

Over one year ago I was really struggling! I found myself sad and upset pretty often. I was extremely jealous of "everyone" being pregnant and having babies. It was then when Tyson gave me the idea of creating this blog. He thought it would be a good idea for me to write down my feelings and to share it with my friends. After much discussion, I decided it was a good idea (he always has good ideas!) and began this blog. I am SO grateful he encouraged me to do this... it has helped me overcome the hardest trial that I have had to endure in my life. 
I started this blog for me. It was a way for me to express my feelings and was a personal journal of my journey to become a mom. With each post I wrote, I had more and more friends, co-workers, old classmates, acquaintances and even strangers contact me and show their support as Tyson and I went through the Invitro process. I want to thank each and every one of you for your love and prayers throughout this journey. Your support was incredible and your kind words touched me so much. I know that this process would not have been as positive without all of you! This blog changed my life. You changed my life. This will be my final post on this blog as our journey to become parents has come to an end. I hope to keep it open and available to anyone who has to go through a trial similar to ours. I hope it touches others and gives each person that reads it HOPE. The hope that anything is possible! 
I know I have only been a mom now for three weeks and I am not an expert. I know I have a lot to learn and this is only the beginning of another crazy adventure! But I do know a few things and wanted to leave these final thoughts as this blog comes to an end... 

I KNOW that miracles happen. I hope that you never give up on what you want and that you never take no for an answer. I KNOW that trials do end. Sometimes it feels like there is not a light at the end of the tunnel, but there sure is. I KNOW that being a mom is the greatest blessing that I could have asked for. I will be forever grateful for Laila and the pure joy she has brought into my life. I will never take her for granted because I know what my life was like without her. I HOPE that we will always hold our families close. I couldn't have gone through this without my best friend and husband, Tyson. Nor could we have gone through this without our families. Families are so important and I truly believe that trials can make or break us. I am grateful we chose to have this trial MAKE our family. We will always have a bond unlike any other because of this experience. I KNOW that prayers are answered and that Heavenly Father loves us more than we can imagine. Holding Laila in my arms the first time was indescribable. It was at that moment when I felt the overwhelming love that our Heavenly Father has for us. I would do absolutely anything for Laila and I know that that love I have for her is the same love He has for us. 
Dr. Bohman talked to Tyson and I the other day and gave us some of the greatest advice that I will always remember. You could feel as he spoke to us, the love he has for his own family. He simply said, "Stop and smell the roses." He expressed how time goes by so quickly and how we should treasure these special moments. He said that our hobbies will soon become Laila's hobbies, or her hobbies will soon become ours actually. That family time, should be all the time and that we should do as much as we can together. He also said to enjoy! Our lives have forever been changed. 
I hope we all take time to smell the roses. Through each trial that comes into our lives, I hope we endure it to the best of our ability and to know that it will pass. Enjoy the now! 
"Send that note to the friend you’ve been neglecting; give your child a hug; give your parents a hug; say “I love you” more; always express your thanks. Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. Friends move away, children grow up, loved ones pass on. It’s so easy to take others for granted, until that day when they’re gone from our lives and we are left with feelings of “what if” and “if only.” Said author Harriet Beecher Stowe, “The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.” ... Let us relish life as we live it, find joy in the journey, and share our love with friends and family. One day each of us will run out of tomorrows."  - President Thomas S. Monson 

Great Things are Worth Waiting For... from Tyson Davis on Vimeo.

Saturday, January 12, 2013


On Saturday, January 5, 2013 I woke up to a familiar pain. It was the same pain that I had felt 14 weeks ago when I was going into pre-term labor. I felt like something was not right, but did not want to go to the hospital. My worst nightmare throughout the pregnancy was to go to the hospital and for them to send me home. I decided to text Dr. Bohman and ask him for advice. He advised me to go to the hospital, just to get checked. Tyson, my mom and I drove to St. Rose San Martin Hospital, where I was hooked up to a monitor for a few hours. I was dialated to a 2, contracting every 5-8 minutes and baby sounded good. They classified this as early labor. The contractions were not getting more intense, so they advised for me to go home and come back the following day to do a stress test on the baby. Because I had been contracting for 2 weeks now, they wanted to be sure it was not irritating her. 

On Sunday, January 6, 2013 we hopped back in the car and drove to the hospital for more monitoring. I was still dialated to a 2, contracting every 5-8 minutes and baby sounded good. They released me to go home and said I was now in active labor and to come back if the contractions became more intense. When we got home I texted Dr. Bohman and let him know what the hospital had said. That was when he decided to do an emergency c-section that night. He felt that I had been contracting for so long, I was not dialating, baby was not dropping and I was going to have to have a c-section whether we waited or not, so we should pull the baby immediately for the interest of mine and hers health. It was 2pm and he scheduled the c-section for 5pm. He told me to pack my bags and to meet him there. 

I freaked out! I was going to be a mom! My dream was coming true! Tyson and our friend Jeff gave me a blessing before we left. I am so grateful for the Priesthood and for the words Tyson said as he laid his hands upon my head. I was so comforted and knew that everything was going to be okay. We grabbed our bags and carseat and hopped back in the car.

We arrived at the hospital and I was so nervous! We checked in at the front desk and they gave me a cute gown to wear. I was hooked up to the very familiar monitor that I had been connected to for the past 2 days and they started my IV. Soon the doctor arrived and it was time. Tyson and I hugged our moms goodbye as we walked into the Operation Room and they went into the Waiting Room with the rest of our family.

They gave me my spinal epidural and laid me on the table. It was cold and I had the shakes pretty bad. The room was full of nurses and doctors. Tyson held my hand as they put the blue curtain up and began the operation.

The doctor began the incision and was successfully able to go through the first three layers. When he got to the fourth layer, my muscle was not effected by the epidural. I could actually FEEL them cutting me. It hurt SO bad. I said, "OW, that really hurts!" and they replied that I should only feel tugging and pulling, not pain. That was when I replied, "I can feel pain. That HURTS..." The last thing I remember is the anesthesiologist saying, "Okay dad, she is going to get really loopy and not remember anything from here on out." They put an oxygen mask on me...and I was OUT!

That was when I went to heaven. I know it sounds weird and people laugh when I say it, but I truly felt like I was in heaven. I remember being very confused and didn't know where I was or what I was doing. I felt like I was dying and I was really fighting it. Finally a light appeared and I decided to just go towards it. I was letting go and didn't care if I was dying anymore. Right when I relaxed, I heard the doctors voice. I wasn't dead. I was in a hospital. I asked, "Where is my husband?" and they replied, "He is with your baby!" and I said, "My baby is inside of me..." and they replied, "Your baby was born 20 minutes ago. You are all done, Danielle. You did great!"

Laila Marlie Davis was born at 5:18pm, weighing 8lbs 4oz and 19 inches long.

It was hard to comprehend what they were saying at this point. In the video below you will see the doctor show the baby over the curtain... I do not remember that. You will also see me kiss my baby for the first time... I do not remember that. At first I was sad that I had missed these special moments of being a mom and the first breath my baby took, but now I am just so grateful she is healthy and here. It doesn't matter how she got here... SHE IS HERE!

I soon went into the Recovery Room where I slowly woke up. Dr. Bohman came in and showed me a picture of my sweet Laila. Tears filled my eyes as I saw my miracle for the first time. The doctor wiped my tears as I fell in love with my baby girl. I couldn't wait to see her in person.

Tyson soon came in with the baby and they placed her in my arms. Words cannot describe the overwhelming feeling of love that I felt for her immediately. The dream that I had for so many years, was a reality. I was holding MY baby in MY arms. She was absolutely perfect in every way. Her skin was so soft with perfect in coloring. Her fingers and toes were perfectly small. The way she looked at me with her blue eyes melted my heart. I could not stop crying as I held her in my arms. She is my miracle.

The family soon left for the night and it was just Tyson, Laila and I. We were a family and it felt so good. I watched as Tyson held her in his arms next to the window. His eyes filled up with tears as he held her in our quiet room. We cried together as we held our sweet girl. I loved that moment and I will remember it forever. Tyson has waited so long to be a dad and has had so much patience as we have endured this trial of infertility. He is seriously the perfect dad and husband! I could not have asked for a better best friend and companion to go through this with. He changes her diapers, swaddles like a champion, gets up with her at night, holds her tightly, kisses her gently and rocks her to sleep so perfectly. He is incredible and I know that Laila already loves him so much.

It has been one week since that Sunday night. I fall more in love with Laila every single day. I absolutely love being a mom. It is everything I had ever dreamed of and more. I treasure every day with her and thank Heavenly Father for blessing me with her. I never knew the love a mother has for her child until now. I would do absolutely anything for her!

I am so grateful for trials. I am grateful that we have the opportunity every day to choose how we will endure them. I am grateful for who I am today because of this trial in my life. It has been hard. It has been tough. I have wanted to give up so many times. I hope we always remember that prayers are answered. They are answered in His timing. I hope we always remember that trials can make us stronger. They make us stronger when we allow them to. I hope we always remember that miracles do happen. They happen when we do not lose hope and faith. I hope we always remember to not give up, because the best things in life are TRULY worth waiting for! 

"Our discipleship will be developed and proven not by the TYPE of trials we are faced with, but how we ENDURE them." - Elder Daniel L Johnson 

This video is for anyone who is going through trials. We hope you share it with others who suffer from infertility or any trial that makes you feel like giving up on something. We know that anything is possible and that miracles do happen. The best things in life are truly worth waiting for. 

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Its Not Over - But I Can See the Finish Line

Tyson ran a marathon a few months ago. When he talks about it he describes it as one of the hardest, but most rewarding things he has ever done. He worked really hard training for it and when the time came to run the race he was so excited. He can tell you how strong of a start he had and how he had to go up and down many hills throughout the race. He then will tell you towards the end he was ready to give up, but he didn't... he kept going until he made it past the finish line. 

I feel like I have been running a little marathon myself the past 9 months. It has been one of the hardest things I have ever done! I worked really hard trying to get pregnant and when I finally became pregnant and started the race I was so excited. I had a strong start and have had to go up and down many hills throughout the experience. Today was the day I felt like giving up, but I will not... I am going to keep going until I make it past the finish line like Tyson did. 
I had my weekly appointment this morning and I have been really excited about it. I was going to talk to Dr. Bohman about inducing me because I thought 1/3/13 would be a pretty fun birthday for Laila. My mom was able to come with me to the appointment and they began measuring her cute little body. She is such a big girl - 7lbs 15oz is what she measured at. I was a 10lbs baby, so I expected her to be pretty fat like her mama. :) She has big lips and a cute little nose... she actually has her DAD's nose, which I find comforting knowing that Dr. Shapiro did implant our embryo inside of me and not someone else's. :) 
After she was measured the doctor came in. I was so confident and truly thought all of my complications with pregnancy were behind me. I asked him about inducing me and he said, "Before we talk about that, there is something else we need to discuss." I have been to SO many doctors appointment the past few years. I KNOW when something is wrong. I could tell that he had something to tell me, that I was not expecting. Doctor then began to explain that my sweet miracle girl is pretty much stuck inside of me. My birth canal is too small and she is not able to drop any further. I have noticed that she has been high and she still is up in my ribs, but I didn't think anything of it, as this is my first baby. He then explained that because of this, I will have to have a C-Section. This was NOT what I expected to hear this morning! 
I have been planning on having a natural birth forever. A C-Section was not even on my mind. I went into monitoring as I do each week and I had a few contractions. I have been contracting since Christmas Day, but they are not pushing her down far enough. While laying in the monitoring room, I called Tyson to give him the news and of COURSE I started crying. I am not sure if it is because I am pregnant or if I have an actual good reason to cry... but I did. I wasn't sad that I needed to have a C-Section. I know a lot of people that have had them done and have heard good things about them. I was sad because I had hit ANOTHER bump in my marathon. I had a hard time getting pregnant and needed doctors help to make this little miracle to begin with. I then had a hard time keeping her inside of me and needed doctors help to lock her inside. And today I learned that I am having a hard time getting her out of me and will need doctors help to get her out. 
I had my moment of sadness and tears... but I decided to pick myself up and finish this race! How lucky I am that they found this silly thing wrong with me. I should have known I wasn't done... we are never done with our trials, are we?! I am so grateful for good doctors! I feel so blessed that they caught this now and I didn't have to labor and then have a C-Section. I know that everything happens for a reason. For some reason, I am not supposed to have this baby naturally and I know that it is going to be okay. Has anything truly been "natural" with this pregnancy anyways? :) I am SO grateful she is a chunky, healthy girl! We can NOT wait to meet her on January 10, 2013 (my mom's birthday too!) at 4pm. 

“Perseverance means to continue in a given course until we have reached a goal or objective, regardless of obstacles, opposition, and other counterinfluences...Perseverance is a positive, active characteristic...It gives us hope by helping us realize that the righteous suffer no failure except in giving up and no longer trying.”